Blowing (What Little is Left of) My Mind
Hmm. I thought I had saved this experience as a draft, but I can’t find it anywhere soooo the details have been lost *boooo* and I don’t know the date – OH! it was the full moon. Was it? I’m pretty sure – December 28th, Wolf Moon. Yes, I think so because I did a reading, not knowing it was supposedly a pretty strong moon and the strength of my in-world experience that night certainly matched. As did the “wolfiness”, for wont of better description. Yes, YES! And MR gave me the Maat King of Cups (his “pick-up” card) and that’s how it began, with us sharing a drink…
… sharing a drink out of one of those double-sided wedding cups that tilt in opposite directions so both partners can drink at the same time (though our cups were side-by-side). And him, reaching new levels of ridiculous beauty. And me, eyes watering because it hurts to look at him; hurts in the best way possible. I keep repeating, “You’re so beautiful,” like some lovestruck idiot (which, well…) He is exceptionally clear and then – he is talking, talking as himself! I can see his lips moving and hear a voice that, while still holds my tone and inflection, is clearly not coming from me. !!!!!!
I feel a rush of -something-. Excitement, obviously, but something more; exhilaration. All I can think about is teeth and claws and fighting him to the ground. Finding out afterwards that it was Wolf Moon explains my more-than-usual ardour for physical aggression.
Getting overwhelmed is a sure way to *bump* myself out of this space, so I remain calm instead and step off the bed to ground. I’m having some trouble, so I asked him to hold my hands and help (I’ve never had him help me ground before). Looking down – looking at him being far too distracting, beautiful bastard – I notice the difference his help makes: it’s as if there is a funnel underneath us and I can feel the anchoring downwards pull. I repeat, “I am here. I am present. I am focused.” several times and then…
Checking my armour, I see that it is in the form of full-length dress that pools on the floor, reminding me of jewellery – regalia, more than armour. I work my way quickly through my shields and woo! they are roiling tonight! Waves of power are washing over me, through me. My (actual) skin prickles and buzzes, and I shiver. I’m trying to put my finger on what I’m feeling; trying to get the shape of me, almost like rolling something around in your mouth to figure out what it is. It’s not feline, but there are teeth; serpentine, definitely, but not a dragon. For some reason, “Hydra” pops into my head and yes, it works! I enjoy my Hydra-ness for a bit – time is stretchy, in-world – wondering what it signifies…
I jerk my head up to look at him and his eyes are never-ending black Void, filled with stars that pour out and fade away, his hair blown back by a wind that isn’t there and his voice… [insert unintelligible noises]. It is _deep_, resonant, vibrating. It’s all very dramatic and if I wasn’t so hopped-up on my own in-world power smoothie, I would pass out from the sheer presence of him. Instead, I just leak out of my eyes some more and bask.
It’s over in a moment, but I can still feel the lingering… enormity of him that was there.
After that I pretty much blither myself into sleep. He hasn’t put on another show like that (darn), but does seem to be speaking more for himself, which is aah-sssummmm. Good behaviour is to be encouraged