Another in a Series of Small *Lightbulb* Moments
As I was lying in bed in the deepest dark of 2am a couple of nights ago, utterly positive that the back door was open – and becoming more and more convinced of this fact by the minute – I realised –
That’s why I can’t trust my (internal) experiences.
Due to my OCP (which is fortunately not severe enough to warrant a -D) I can become hung-up on an idea to the point where it is the only thing I can focus on. It consumes me to the exclusion of anything else, defying all logic and evidence to the contrary.
Even though I knew – logically – that the back door was closed, I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t talk myself down. I couldn’t ignore it for all tea in China. The only way to end the loop was to go downstairs and actually show that part of my brain that the door was closed.
How can I trust the (very) subjective perception of a brain that is clearly not wired “right”?
I honestly didn’t know how to respond to this when I first read it, and I’m not sure now that I’m understanding, but it sounds to me as if you’re questioning all your experiences, all your ‘contact’ with him. I hope not, or my own little house of cards, if you’ll forgive the expression, may come down.
Not to worry – your little house is safe
It was more a realisation as to why I have those moments of FREAKOUTQUESTIONEVERYTHING, even when faced with evidence clearly to the contrary. If I can understand how I function and why, I can move past these moments so much faster and with considerably less *angst*. Recognising this, the fallow and silent times aren’t as much of a worry either. (Reading it again, I see my wording wasn’t exactly as clear outside of my head as it was inside.)
I’ve actually never been more comfortable in my hidden reality hoo-ha!