That’s What I Thought.
I’ve had a bit of an “off” month, struggling to even get the barest of signals on anything, struggling even to do basic visualisation with any clarity. My dreams have been more standard issue general anxiety bull, with some woo here and there but I generally forget them, or wake up with only threads to cling to.
I know there are things going on in the background, because snippets will come to me randomly: my shields were challenged, attacked and I defended them successfully; I went to a place where I had to raise the dead, but my instructions were wrong and my aid couldn’t understand them either and I nearly got stuck there, but forced the doors open and made my way back. Stuff like that, all happening behind-the-scenes. I feel like there’s learning happening, but on an unconscious level which only makes sense; I can’t always be there, so auto-pilot has to be fully functional.
Feeling so disconnected after such an intense period of development is uncomfortable though. My anxiety is back, triggered by doing the mundane (but sacred in its way) Halloween work I planned on. It was so bad last night that I had to “clean house”. I saw my anxiety filling the room (in-world) like cobwebs – which is a really good metaphor, cobwebs tending to form over time if you forget to clean, going unnoticed until you get a face full of sticky silver – so I got a stick – a wand, I guess – made from ash (this is ash’s second starring role this month) and went whacking about the room, singing “John the Revelator” to myself the whole time and winding the cobwebs around the wand like candyfloss, before burning them in the fire. I repeated this again and again until the room was cobweb free and then I made tea. Naturally.
Did a quick reading before bed to get some perspective on the disconnect and was completely unsurprised by the results; I predicted 3 out of the 4 cards.
Why am I experiencing the disconnect? 4 of Arrows REST
What can I do to reconnect? 12 The Mirror REFLECT
What is your (MR) part in this? Knight of Stones I’M A PRETTY PONY My ride? (eheheheh)
What is happening behind the scenes? 6 of Arrows JOURNEY