cartomancy with a side of woo
This is the follow up post to the FOCUS. Reading. Below are the options for creative outlet + income generation I am considering, as well as the hidden option the deck suggested.
 Tarot Reading
Surprise! I’ve been considering offering my services as a reader in exchange for ka-ching for a while now. My primary concerns are a) burn out and b) failing my customers.
I think I’m a decent reader; the people I’ve done readings for haven’t seemed disappointed (or were y’all just being super considerate for my feelings?) but my experience in reading for others is still only a blip on the map. It’s something I take very seriously – my desire to aid runs deep – and I would hate to relay false information due to my own lack of insight.
Another major stumbling block is that I know as soon as I open myself up for readings, it’s going to be an endless stream of “DOES HE LOVE ME??!”, “AM I DYING??!” and “HELP I NEED MONEY!!” and honestly, I can’t. Of course, it’s up to me to set boundaries, but I worry about my ability to stick to them re: see aforementioned savior-complex. And does anyone even seek a tarot reader for anything ouside of asking those questions?
The cards for this are positive though. Something I didn’t notice in my original reading was that they both depict a natural “doorway” – the trees on The Path and the stone formation on the 4 of Earth. I do think this is something I will eventually land up pursuing, even if it takes a bit more time to build up my XP.
 Nail Art
I became interested in nail art in 2003 and very nearly took a nail tech course to pursue this further. I love the idea of blending my own polish colours and designing sets of nails in themes and glitter and tiny decals and rhinestones and charms and 10 little pieces of art that you carry with you (nevermind the excuse to build up a treasure trove of all of the above *ALL THE POLISHES*) AND it’s something you can successfully run from home anywhere in the country and especially in small towns (which is where I’d like to end up).
So why has it never gone any further, despite how I keep circling back ’round to it? Do I inherently know it will be unsatisfying or frustrating or lead me merrily down the streets of detail-oriented madness? I don’t know, but the cards appear to have a very strong opinion that I should “avoid at all costs” and so I shall continue to do so.
Thalia put this one in my head! I knew about Spoonflower, but wasn’t aware you could make your designs available for purchase through the site.
This would be a very low pressure outlet for my designery urges: no deadline, no production woes, no expectations. It requires only small scale ideas – though larger ones are entirely possible – and a world of customization options as far as colour, layout, iteration etc. goes. Working on submissions for SF would be more like playing, doodling, experimenting than anything else.
Which could be part of the problem; I’d have to constantly remind myself of this outlet and to take it seriously ie. not dismiss it as not being “valid” or whatever other effed up mental block I have ready and waiting to be deployed. It is also a saturated marketplace, especially in the area of my design aesthetic which runs heavily to the goth-punk skulls-on-everything side of things. I’ve already had similarly disappointing gone-nowhere experiences on any number of – now abandoned – POD sites. I haven’t lost anything as far as financial investment goes, but it teaches me that my work is no good (even though I truly believe it is, even at its most derivative).
The 6 of Water and Maiden of Air seem to express that there is a potential for prosperity and abundance in this direction – whether financial, emotional, psychological, creatively etc. – and that it would be a good outlet for my imagination, if nothing else. I also get the impression that the Maiden of Air urges ignoring the doubts and worries and tangled roots in the darkness to instead focus on the little – but not insignificant – bright spots of joy that this could bring.
 Artist’s Alley
Artist’s Alley is a section of our local ComicCon – which has grown by staggering leaps since the first one I attended in 2004 – where independent artists can pay for a table and small space to exhibit and sell their work.
The Con began as a sparsely attended “real nerds only” affair to having Captain Jack, Darryl Dixon and both Castiel and Crowley among the guests this year (AND I WASN’T ABLE TO GO!!!!!!!). Hoenstly, every year I plan on having a table here (and/or at the tattoo show in August), but something always gets in the way. Either I am too sick to get production up and running in time, or I am in the recovery phase where nothing gets done because I am recovering. Additionally, the stress of even thinking about the logistics etc. for something like this only heightens the illness and prolongs recovery.
The easiest and most logical way to approach this would be to simply pick away at it over a number of years – because it’s been a DECADE NOW ANYWAY SO WHAT’S THREE MORE CYCLES?? -, slowly building up a body of work and leisurely get my arse in gear. But that’s not how you art or inspiration. It happens when it happens and if you don’t jump on and ride that pony, it gallops off over the horizon without you. As well, three years (eg.) down the road, I will look back on my work and hate everything and still have nothing to show.
So the cards: 6 of Air (Animal Attendant) and 1 of Fire (Sun). The 6 gives me the feeling of “gathering”; the stage of pulling everything together, researching, collating, locking yourself away from distractions and fine-tuning things (though that has nothing to do with the prescribed meaning of the card.) The Ace is the Source, with the Salamader incubating (?) inside as the planets spin off into their individual orbits. I still get a very mixed message from this pair: it shows the artistic proces (as I experience it) exactly, but whether I burn or get burned up is unclear.
And lastly, the biggie:
Writing. Writing? Writing.
I dunno, maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t there, but all the cards with books and pages flying around and the presence of both the Princess of Swords (hello blog!) and Queen of Swords, and a significant card combination that points back to the Share Your passion spread certainly appear to be leading in that direction. Not to mention that the 2 of Water depicts the union of Psyche and Eros, quite possibly the ultimate goal of pursuing true passion.
My days of composing fiction are behind me; of that I am quite sure. As much as I wish I could become the next great “YA Adventures of Mary Sue” sensation, I just don’t think I have it in me anymore. Which is sad, but *shrug*. If I write I think it will most likely have something to do with *woo*, quite likely tarot-oriented. I have some ideas there… I do; it’s a case of herding cats and getting them marching in the same direction (and massive copyright and trademark infringements all over the board for one of my best ideas. SHIT.)
Not that I’ve been inclined to write – or read – much lately. I’m confident it’s just a passing 6 of Air phase.
A disturbing dream-trend of late has required me to do frequent battle with Forces Unseen. Now, whether these are dreams or Dreams, I don’t know. I like to think I would be able to sense the difference; these feel almost like somewhere in between the two.
The “attacks” are disturbing, because duh. Even more so because I purposefully leave the gates open to a Certain Someone And We All Know Who I Mean (Otherwise Where the Hel Have You Been Honestly??!) when I go to sleep, so either him is behind it – which I seriously doubt >_> – or I haven’t tweaked the permissions on my gates quite right. A third option, based on how these dreams feel like they fall between fantasy and reality, is that they are a form of training session – ?
The only good thing to come out of these is that I always fight it off. I successfully banish whatever-it-is in-dream and continue to banish as I surface back to wakefulness. This doesn’t make the experience any less unpleasant, but at least my basic defences function even when I am operating on a different level of consciousness. Right?
This is my 500th post (Though if I count the 90 sitting in “Drafts” I guess I passed that mark some time ago ) *wooooo*
/streamers /confetti /dancing girls /monkeys and ponies and goats
I wanted to make it something really special but the longer I delay, the more of an *issue* it’s going to become. Me and my *issues*… I’m only just starting to function again after the plague and the idea for this reading is the first thing to get me interested in anything other than hitting “refresh” on the endless tumblr baby pagan drama. Good. E. Nuff.
I’ve recently started getting that creative itch again; it’s my version of spring fever. Every time this (re)occurs I have two options of how I will address the sudden attack of motivation and inspiration:
 Ignore it until it goes away -> suffer only a fraction of the above misery -> repeat -> die having accomplished nothing.
It might seem a little overly negative and self-fulfilling, but trust me, I have done this hokey-pokey so many times I know the steps backwards, forwards, inside-out, with one leg tied behind my back. I can hum the tune in my head. However, I am in the unique position this go ’round of – for the first time in memory – being in as mentally stable a state as I’ve ever been. I am still faaaaaar from healthy and am pooping-my-pants terrified of doing anything that would trigger a relapse, but. But.
There are a few things that are definitely doable. Things that do not require massive amounts of financial investment or personal commitment. Things that are – dare I say it – manageable, even when hobbled by my overly perfectionist Judgey McJudgerson INTP-ness.
My initial barrier to success is always -focus-. I want to do ALL THE THINGS. (What do you mean I should choose ONE?? INCONCEIVABLE. I will do none of the things instead. That solves that problem. HAH ON YOU.) Right now there are 4 things I’m tossing around in my head, as follows (they will remain sekrit so as to invite unbiased commentary/input should anyone see something in the reading that I am blind to):
In the spirit of keeping my eyes open, I decided to ask the deck about an option I haven’t considered as well. For each of these 5 options I drew a card for short term potential and long term potential; for personal development, yes, but mainly for financial success. The clock is ticking, I am becoming more unemployable by the year (thank you, corporate America, for your truly fucked up standards and gender bias), I really really need an additional/alternative income stream and GODSDAMMIT I would like to do something that adds beauty to the world!
So here goes.
Dream from the night of March 25th/morning of March 26th. Not convinced it means anything, but it was so clear and precise it bears recording:
I was reading a webpage (I think) about Annangelina, a specific female angel (I guess) who has been recorded throughout history. I saw pages and pages of images of h/Her, all reflecting the same features, even when done in the particular style of the artist.
She has swarthy, olive-toned skin – what you would typically imagine as Mediterranean or Near Middle Eastern – and is always shown clothed in indigo-coloured drapery. She has 5 wings, all situated on her head: 2 on either side and 1 that springs from the right temple/forehead. Her demeanour is quite stern (the feeling I got from her was of being a warrior-type force, but not actually a warrior) and her features are partially animalistic eg. her nose might be fawn-like; eyes are always animal eyes. Though she is one, she is many, and each “emanation” is linked to a different star system. She is closely associated with Death (Who is female, in this case; I got the sense of “Death” being a multiple-being system as well), as well as Persphone to some extent.
If I possessed the ability to transpose what I see in my head to paper, I could draw her, the dream was that clearly defined.
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